Hey Kassi… (December 7th)

Hey+Kassi...+%28December+7th%29

Question:

What do you do if you have a friend who you are good friends with but some of the stuff they do bother you, but you don’t know how to tell them that it bothers you without them getting upset? 

 

Dear Bothered in Boston, 

I know it’s hard, but you really just need to tell them the truth. There is more trust in the truth. If whatever they’re doing makes you uncomfortable, you need to say something. Yes, it may cause them to get upset, but at least you told them the truth. In the end if they are truly your friend, they will listen to what you have to say, take it into consideration, maybe they’ll fix it, maybe they won’t, but if they are a real friend, they’ll stop. 

What you need to do is:

  • Ask them to talk in private. 
  • Go to a place without any distractions. This’ll help you have 100% of their attention. 
  • Make sure you have their full attention. 
  • Make sure they aren’t on their phones. Eye contact is key here. 
  • Tell them EXACTLY how you feel and what is bothering you. 
  • Holding anything back isn’t good. 
  • Afterwards, if they have anything to say. Listen to them.
  • Don’t interrupt, this can cause a fight. 
  • (Only if they ask you) Help them figure out a way to stop.
  • Don’t be forceful. This step may take a while to figure out. 

 

In this, patience, eye contact, and being kind while talking to each other is key. Being patient shows your friend that you are willing to work with them and you are willing to work through this with them. Eye contact shows that you are serious, and that whatever they are doing is making you uncomfortable. Finally, being kind to each other and not yelling at one another, shows that you are trying your best to get them to stop. 

 I really hope this helps!

 

Sincerely, 

        Kassi. 

Question: 

I have a brother with anxiety. Are there any tips that you know just to calm him down in situations where his anxiety is being overactive?

 

Dear Anxious in Austin, 

Before I say anything, just a little disclaimer. *I am not a medical professional. I do not claim to be one, nor know anymore than them.*  

Okay, if you can see that he is going to have an anxiety attack, this is what you need to do first:

  • Get his breathing back to normal. Even if it hasn’t gone completely abnormal, you need to make sure that it gets slowed down. 
  • What I do to calm someone’s breathing is, I hold their hands, rub the top of their hands with your thumb. (This lets them know they aren’t alone. It’s also another way to calm their heartbeat.)
  • Eye contact. 
  • This is super important, this lets them focus on you and makes them realize that they need to calm down.
  • Breath with them. 
  • A great way to do this is, count to 8 while breathing in. Hold for 3. Breath out while counting to 8. This helps them focus on their breathing. (Keep doing this till they are calm.)
  • Use calm, soothing words. This allows them to focus on your voice. 
  • If they want to talk about what made them upset. Listen. Don’t try to butt in, or give your input unless they ask for it. However, if they don’t want to talk about what happened, don’t push it. 

 

Now, if they are having an anxiety attack:

  • Don’t panic! At any point of helping them get through this, panicking is the worst thing you could do!
  • Be patient. They may take a little while to listen to you. 
  • Make them look at you. 
  • Once you can get their attention, play with their hair, rub their shoulders, do something to help calm them down. 
  • Distract them! This is going to be the best thing you can do. 
  • By distracting them it gets their mind off of the attack, and whatever caused their attack.
  • Help them calm their breathing.
  • The breathing exercise I mentioned earlier helps in this too.

 

Mainly, you just need to stay calm, be patient, and use distractions. I hope this helps!

Sincerely,

         Kassi

Question:

Should it be okay to date your friend’s ex if they were only a thing for a week or two?

 

Dear Cautious in Cleveland,

I’m going to be honest and admit this question was really one I had to think about. Because there are really two ways that you could do this. 

 

Both, of course, involve you asking your friend. 

If your friend is okay with it, and you do date the ex, I wouldn’t bring him around that friend for a little while. Things might get a little awkward, and that might be something you want to avoid. 

 

Now, if your friend isn’t okay with it. Then you should probably respect their wishes. You wouldn’t want your friend dating your ex if you weren’t okay with it, would you? 

 

All in all, you just really need to ask yourself, “Would I want my friend dating my ex?” 

Really think about that before you do anything. 

 

I hope this helps!

Sincerely, 

       Kassi

 

Question:

Why does it hurt so much when you see couples all the time when you’re alone?

 

Dear Lonely in Louisiana, 

I know it hurts, I can’t really explain why it hurts, but I know it does. It may be because you want that too, or you had that and you lost it. But really, we’re in high school. We shouldn’t be worried about dating. Dating is just another stressful event that we put onto ourselves, that is really unnecessary. We have more important things to worry about, like school work, friends, and if you’re in a sport, you have that to worry about. 

I have seen so many people get torn apart because of a boy/a girl. I have watched a team get torn apart because of a relationship. I also have watched a friend of mine, flunk school because they were so stressed out because of their relationship. 

Yes, it may hurt to see couples be happy while you walk down the hallway, alone. But just remember that, you are an amazing human being. You don’t need someone. You got this life thing in the bag! So instead of walking down the hallway upset because two kids decide it’s okay to hug in the middle of the hallway. Pick your head up, and show them how amazing it is to be single. Because, “Getting into a relationship may seem like a good idea, but so was getting on the Titanic. And look what happened there.” 

I hope this helps!

Sincerely, 

       Kassi.